Uh...or something like that.
So, the parking scam, part 2.
Imagine, if you will, myself confidently striding down King St in Toronto, striding right up to the Parking Ticket Office and marching in like I owned the place. 'They're going to pay', I thought, 'They're SO going to pay.'
Then, the line up. Wednesday afternoon, around 1:00pm...everyone's at work, right? Well, obviously not the 50 or so people who decided to line up at the parking ticket office that day. As I waited (relatively) patiently in line, I noticed the sign on the wall. A graph, to be more precise. A graph of waiting-in-line times. On an AVERAGE weekday, between the hours of 11:30 and 2:30, there is an AVERAGE waiting time in that same line of over 15 minutes. I waited there 37. 37 minutes of free time to ponder the inconceivable idea of hundreds of people on an AVERAGE day, paying parking tickets. 'Are there really that many people in Toronto who willfully and knowingly disobey parking laws EVERY SINGLE DAY? Is it possible that Torontonians are incredibly disrepectful of the law and ignorant of where cars should be parked? Can that possibly be true?'
Search your heart, as I did. You know the answer HAS to be....'no'. No, people are not, by nature, disrespectful of laws. People do not willingly park their cars in incorrect places, just so that they can give their hard-earned money and take time out of their hard-working days for their benevolent and omniscient government. Nay, I say.
The truth...what HAS to be the truth, is that the government has pulled a fast one on the good people of Toronto. They set up parking traps to trick people into parking their cars where they should not be. They hide signs so that drivers have no idea that they are breaking a law in the first place. When they do place signs, they word them confusingly so that people think it's okay to park there. Because, apparently, the city of Toronto does not have enough money. They're broke. 'What to do, what to do,' think the impoverished government officials? 'How can we get more money to keep this great city of ours afloat?........I KNOW! LET'S TRICK THE PEOPLE INTO GIVEING US THEIR MONEY!' Ingenious, really, when you think about it.
Around the time this thought came up, I found myself at the front of the line. "Ooooooh, here we go", I think, "Now the gig is up. Someone's ON to them." I confidently stride up to the window and say, "I would like to dispute this please." I think, 'She'll know...she HAS to know that I'm on to her crooked ring. She'll fold like a house of cards in the wind." Instead, she impassively looks back at me, handing me a form, and says, 'Fill this out.'
I look down at it, a little taken aback by why must be an incredibly iron will. The form is to say that I will have to go to court to fight said ticket. I look back up at her, and say, 'Um, there's just one thing. I'm going out of the country in a month, and I won't be back for a year, and so I won't be in the country to go to court'. 'That'll stick it to her,' I think. 'She'll have to give it up now...I won't even BE HERE!!!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!'
'You have to pay or go to court', she says.
'But you don't understand. I'm not paying this. It was a mistake. The cop didn't even GIVE me the ticket.'
'You have to pay or go to court', she says.
'But I can't be here to fight it. And the plate owner is incapable of travelling'.
'You have to pay or go to court,' she says, shrugging dismissively.
'Well, there HAS to be another option. Isn't there someone else that I can talk to?'
'They'll just tell you the same thing. Pay or go to court.'
'If you want, someone else can go to court for you.'
I had her now. 'Oh, someone ELSE, you say? Oh, well if you would just direct me to the mythical person who will take a day off of work to fight someone ELSE's parking ticket, I'll most certainly ask them, thanks.'
Not even a blink. 'Pay or go to court.'
I knocked on the glass (wishing I had a gun, and wondering if it was bulletproof glass anyway...I'm sure it has to be, with this lady working there), and said, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was a brick wall.'
Yeah! That'll teach her.
Nothing. 'Pay or go to court.'
'Go fuck yourself, you fat ho bag,' I said, and spat on the glass.
Okay, maybe I embellished that last little bit, but that would have been awesome, wouldn't it?
So, that's it. I pay, or I go to court, which I won't even be on the continent to do. Any takers out there to fight my ticket for me?
I swear, what we need is a good old fashioned revolution, like they had in the old days. I KNOW this is a racket. I KNOW it's a scam. So why do people just roll over and accept it? Why don't people FIGHT this bullshit?
Vive la revolution.